Beyonce has taught me a lot in the past few weeks. I spend an hour a week with wonderful friends dancing to her music. Yes, it’s a great sweat and it also makes me feel confident, happy and super good about myself. Little did I know that reading one of her quotes on Pinterest would shift my perspective on forgiveness.
So often, I want to be right. If I’m hurt, I want to hurt you back ten times harder. Maybe there’s a layer of justice in that revenge, that equality exists within good and bad. There’s a lot of “me” in the conversation that goes on in my head: how I’m hurt, sad or upset. I think there’s an interesting, intrinsic human characteristic to protect and preserve oneself – maybe driven from a primal instinct (I’m no expert here). For me, it’s so much easier to play the game of vengeance than to take a step back, breathe and explore the idea of forgiveness.
I wrote a list of how someone has “wronged” me in the past while. I essentially wrote a list of all these spots in my heart that I have been avoiding, because they were too painful and emotionally exhausting to deal with. It hurt to write those things down because it made me angry, sad and weak all at the same time. I realized that even though I wasn’t consciously hurting this person for doing these things to me, I was hurting myself for holding on and sweeping these feelings aside. Maybe I didn’t want to forgive the person who made me feel like this (and, that’s okay), but could I find forgiveness for hurting myself? Yes – I’m no longer going to hurt myself by holding on; I’m going to take a step in showing myself love. And through this, my capacity for forgiveness towards others grew ten-fold.
To Beyonce for having killer music, amazing dance moves and a depth of love that put me through an emotional wringer.